Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Quizzes are making me queezy!

What's the allure of all the Facebook quizzes? SO...If your husband was a car, what kind would he be? Really - what does that even mean? And what girl isn't going to say "ohhhh baby..my man is an Italian sports car" - all revved up...and...well - you get the picture.

Or - what 1970's grunge punk blonde haired female lead singer rock star who had a hit song that was featured in a Richard Gere movie about a male prostitute are you most like? REALLY? Debbie Harry? OMG...what are the odds?

If you were a hot dog which condiments would you pile on top of yourself?

Ok - so they're pointless but admit it...you've played the game too!!

So - if you were a Facebook QUIZ what question would you ask??

Monday, June 29, 2009

Sun Spots and Sweet Tea

I’m lucky – I know that for sure. My mom is my best friend. I know women who have no relationship with their moms and I can’t even imagine that. I’m not going to even try to start listing all the reasons why we have such a unique relationship but when I hear the phrase “unconditional love” I see my mom. But that’s a story for another day.

Today I just wanted to share a thought I had about something she said recently. We were enjoying a girls day out which always includes shopping. I picked up a shirt that I thought would she would look great in and said “here…you need to get this”. She said “no…I can’t wear sleeveless tops any more...I have all these sun spots”. I told her that was silly and to go try it on. She did and it looked great!

But I couldn’t get that out of my head. Sun spots. She wanted to hide her sun spots. When I lay in bed that night I began to think of all the times we played in the south Texas sun, swinging on the park swings together, making sandcastles at South Padre Island beach, splashing in the ocean. Or the days she’d pack a picnic lunch of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bar-b-cue potato chips and homemade brownies to eat together sitting on a blanket in our own back yard….or the lazy days of floating down the Rio Frio in our inner tubes. I loved the times I’d come home from school and she‘d say “come on….if we hurry outside we can work on our tan for an hour” and together we’d sit in our lawn chairs and soak up the last rays of sunshine drinking a cold glass of ½ sweet tea and ½ lemonade.

We’ve earned our sunspots and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

John Mayer said it well….’mothers be good to your daughters….girls become lovers who turn into mothers”. I hope when my daughter sees sun spots on my arms…she smiles and remembers……

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Yes...I deleted my last post

I cannot believe the timing of my blog that I posted this past Friday. It was an attempt at conveying, through humor, how dysfunctional I am before my coffee has kicked in.

So if you are thinking "HEY...wasn't there a picture of Billy Mays up just a couple of days ago?" - the answer is yes - but somehow it didn't seem right to leave it up.

What a week.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

My New BFF

I've gone from 'unfriended' on FB (I use abbreviations because I'm cool like that)to a new BFF (still cool).

While commenting on my friend's (girl #1)status update on FB I noticed another girl had also commented. I didn't know girl #2 but I liked what she was saying. So I posted yet another comment to the original post but it was directed at the mystery girl...girl #2. She, in turn, commented on the same post but it was clearly intended for me.

Soon my FB friend (aka girl #1) decides to jump in the conversation and says "You two should be friends"!! Request sent and FRIENDSHIP ACCEPTED!!

Oh the Karma of the Facebook Universe!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Killer Combo

I know you may find this hard to believe but I actually consider myself a HEALTHY eater and in pretty good shape (for the shape I'm in)!

I exercise regularly and love anything outdoorsy. I love to hike, play tennis, shop (yes...it's a sport - sometimes a full contact sport) and sunbathe (whatever...I sweat so it must be a sport).

I made a wonderful dinner for friends this weekend. They were my test-subjects (aka guinea pigs) as I tried two new recipes. Broiled talapia with peach-mango-avocado salsa (YUM) and an Island Shrimp Salad. They were duly impressed I must say.

But let me just say that when it comes to the 'Finer Things of Life' ....there is nothing finer than your good ol' double-fudge chunk brownie topped with Ben & Jerry's Vanilla Health Bar Crunch. Oh yes..... double chunk, double dipped and DOUBLE DELICIOUS!!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day without my Dad

Today is father's day....another year where I remember at some point during the day...."oh yeah...today is father's day". My dad died much too young from a brain tumor. I'm not sure when the 'right time' would be for a parent to die but this was certainly not it as far as I was concerned.

But Father's Day isn't a day any different from any other, really. It's not the holidays that stir the memories or the missing.

It's smell of summer time when it's so hot asphalt almost melts and I remember family vacations.

It's the crazy joke that someone tells that makes me think of all the times he would call me in the middle of the day just to share one that he had heard.

It's looking out my kitchen window at the beautiful landscaping we did a few years after he was gone...remembering all the times he said "this back yard has so much potential'.

And each of those memories let's me know he's right here with me....enjoying the heat of the summer, admiring the big magnolias we planted and laughing every time I attempt to tell one of those crazy jokes...just like he did.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

I'm afraid of WORMS Roxanne

Who remembers the movie "Roxanne" starring the amazing Steve Martin? NO??? Go tonight and rent it. It's a genuine HOOT and a classic romance at the same time.

Based on the play "Cyrano de Bergerac", large nosed C.D. Bales (Steve Martin) falls for the beautiful Roxanne while she falls for his personality but another man's looks.

Confused? Go.....RENT THE MOVIE!!

My point is....there was a scene where Steve (C.D.) was standing outside of Roxanne's window shouting love lines that another guy was relaying to him through a hidden earpiece. Shy CD was supposed to say "I'm afraid of WORDS Roxanne" but he misunderstood what the guy was saying and said "I'm afraid of WORMS Roxanne". YES....it was very funny!!

So...fess up. What words have you totally gotten wrong - like my mom did with the old country song "Leaving on Tulsa Time". Her version? "Living on Toast and Tang"!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Squawking Heads

So....this happened to me FIVE minutes ago. But no chickens were harmed in the making of this chaotic scene.....

News Flash!! We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you this important announcement......

Available NOW....Internet Webinars!! That's right...thanks to the wonders of modern technology people can collaborate via the internet with awesome cool interactive tools such as Web-ex. That is, of course, unless you have NO IDEA how Web-ex functions and 25 people call a conference bridge number and start YAKKING and SQUAWKING like a bunch of hens who just saw a wolf in the hen house! Suddenly everyone (at the same time) starts asking random questions and causing the moderator to panic and push his HOLD BUTTON at which point everyone hears nothing but his company 'on hold' commercial!!

Wow...someone please bring me a brownie!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I'll never be THAT Girl!

Try as I might....I'm just not her. Sad. Maybe not. Don't get me wrong, I admire that girl. Her couture dress, the designer handbag and ahhhhh...those shoes. She walks like she's gliding on air...kind of the way people look who are on the moving sidewalks in the airport.

There are groups of women who meet solely (pun...yes) based on their love of shoes. Their club is called "Hello Stiletto". How clever is that? I've seen pictures of the fashion shows they host where they roll out the pink carpet and each girl strolls the catwalk donning her latest flirty foot-find. I know some of these women. They are fun-loving girls who simply found an excuse to buy shoes and party. Genius.

So while I may not fit in that crowd with my blue jeans and pink-polished toenail bare feet, I'm ok with that. But if a fancy flip flop meets the criteria I think I just might have to go to one of their shin-digs (oh wow...good pun!) and see if I can get one step closer to becoming THAT girl. Anything is possible.

Monday, June 15, 2009

We're gonna party like...it's my birthday!

I don't understand certain people. You know the kind...."Oh, my birthday is no big deal. And please...NO PRESENTS. I just love being with my friends and family." BLAH BLAH BLAH.

If you are that person.....STOP IT!! It makes the rest of us look bad!

My birthday is in 25 days. July 10th to be exact. You have been forewarned! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my birthday. Could it be that my mom made me 'queen for a day' when I was a little girl? That she made me a Barbie cake....and I'm not talking about a flat cake that had little plastic mini Barbies on top or those disgusting peel-off sugar decorations...no, I'm talking about a 3-D cake that looked like princess Barbie was sitting in her regal gown right on my birthday table! And each year it was equally as spectacular. Birthdays are the bestest thing in the world...EVER!

So here's the deal. My hubby and I are planning a trip out west to visit family for the July 4th weekend. Of course you don't take a 3 hour plane ride and just stay for the weekend so we'll be there the entire week. Suddenly, while we were lying in bed, lights out, good night "kisses" given (keeping it PG, ya know), it occurred to him that we would be there on my birthday! Bless his heart.

Last year was one of those "big birthday years" for me so he went all out with the cooperation....aka lying and scheming, of other family members and threw me a true surprise party. It's hard to surprise someone who expects everyone to remember their birthday but they pulled it off....big time. And it was fun and fabulous!!

The pressure is on and he knows it. I'd like to be that person that I mentioned in the beginning and just let him off the hook....but I'm not, so I can't. I've got integrity you know!

Friday, June 12, 2009

A Girl's Best Friend.

You know how we say "Spanx...a girl's best friend"? Or..my favorite, of course, "Brownies...a girl's best friend." Hey...I can say that if I want to. And since I was officially 'unfriended' on YOU KNOW WHERE I'm one less friend so I'm due one. (I'm kind of boycotting the name because YOU KNOW WHO made an application where you can unfriend your friend. So there.)

But I can say with 100% certainty that 75% humidity is NOT my friend with or without YOU KNOW WHO'S confirmation or lack thereof. So there.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Thank you, Mom, for making me crazy!

I'm trying to get packed for a trip - one that I've known about for almost a year. But have I spent the last week getting ready so I wouldn't be in panic mode the day before I leave? Of course....not!

I work best under pressure (aka...I procrastinate). So what. I'm the queen of spontaneity. I can whip up a FABU dinner party in the wink of an eye - not as cool as Betwitched did it but still....fast and fab. Crunch time is my middle name...names..whatever.

So what am I doing now? Well....I just finished baking two pans of cookies..yes, homemade. Hello Dollies to be exact (can we just give a shout out to the creator of sweetened condensed milk!!). I shampooed the carpet - oh yes I did. I've washed and changed the sheets. I will dust (shouldn't that be 'undust').I am about to bathe my dogs so they'll be happy while I'm gone. I have actual 'work' work that must be finished before we pull out of the driveway at 6:00 a.m. tomorrow and I still have to pack.

Why do I go through this self inflicted torture routine? BECAUSE MY MOM DID! Because if something should happen while we are away we wouldn't want to be embarrassed if people had to come into our house. Like - IF WE DIED before we got home we wouldn't want to go into eternity humiliated because our house was NOT IN ORDER!! It drove me nuts at the time and now...I am my crazy mom....and I wouldn't have her any other way!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Give me the REMOTE!

Have I mentioned my hubby? I love him. He's the bestest EVER! He doesn't Twitter or have a Facebook profile (I may have to put him in the circus as the last man on earth to not be on Facebook). But since he isn't a virtual friend...we're just plain ol' best friends. I just love him. I'm repeating myself, aren't I?

So would it be so bad if I had to ask this one tiny, itty, bitty favor of him? GIVE ME THE DARN REMOTE OR NO MORE BROWNIES FOR YOU...and that's just the first item on the 'no more for you' list.

Oh My GOODNESS. Don't leave a girl hangin'! The suspense is killing me!!

I guess it's just girl curiosity but when he breezes by a channel and actually stops for more than three seconds, I become emotionally invested. I WANT TO KNOW! Can anyone relate to this scenario:

"The mystery has been solved that has eluded scientists for centuries thanks to the discovery of......" CLICK

"Hollywood was shocked today to learn that............" CLICK

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special announcement........." CLICK!!!

Seriously....just hand it over and no one will get hurt.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Friday, June 5, 2009

If I can't have a Brownie then make it a Margarita

If you've read this before you'll agree that it bears repeating. Pardon me while I plagiarize (that sounds like a great book title....and if you use it then I may have to sue you for plagiarism!).

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Tequila.

Tequila is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Tequila can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of Tequila almost immediately, and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Tequila.

Tequila may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Tequila. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

CAUTION - Side effects may include:

Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration dry mouth and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare and Naked Twister.

Now pass the proverbial grain of salt and let's get this party started!!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Hubby goes Healthy! Gag!

I am all for healthy living but now my guy has decided he wants his Ph level balanced (sadly he's not referring to the pool). He's been reading.....again. And now I have to be inconvenienced because he has learned that high acidity levels lead to all types of illnesses. What does this mean for me??

Sneaking and hiding. I hate to resort to this type of deception but I figure it's for his own good. Apparently some of the ingredients in brownies don't fit into this new lifestyle.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And right now....I have to figure out a way to get the smell of fresh baked chocolate heaven out of the kitchen before he gets home!

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


It's a cruel world out there. And it can't get that way much quicker these days. One minute you have a 'friend" and then with a simple click of a keyboard button....BAM...."UNFRIENDED".

Back in the good ol' days we had girl cliques and people knew who your friends were. The lines were clearly drawn. And...if one of the 'cliquees' got her panties in a wad, there was protocol and a definite chain of events that went into redefining those lines. Most often it was over an all important issue like....well, a conversation such as this:

Cliquee #1: "Hey.....you know how we're the coolest clique at school and how it's so great that we're all best friends and we can tell each other anything?"

Cliquee #2 : "Yeah....I love everyone! We're the bestest friends EVER!"

Cliquee #1: "Well, you know how funny "Jessica" is (names have been changed to protect the ignorant...I mean, innocent)?

Cliquee #2: "Yeah....she's so funny. She makes me laugh. I love it when she laughs".

Cliquee #1: "Well....now I could be totally wrong but......I'm pretty saw her looking at your boyfriend. I'm not saying he looked back and....well, I don't know...I'm sure it was nothing. I'm just saying ....well, you know you're my best friend and if someone was looking at my boyfriend then I'd want you to tell me. You'd tell me, right? "

Cliquee #2: "What was she wearing? She always wears 'those kind' of clothes. Was she twirling her hair when she was looking at him? She always twirls her hair! Did she do that stupid giggle? OH...I hate that giggle. I'm never speaking to her again!"

Cliquee #1: Yeah...I think she was twirling her hair. YEAH.....she was giggling...she always giggles. She thinks she's so funny! Who does she think she is? I hate her stupid clothes.

Clilquee #2: "We should write notes in class and then pass then to all our REAL friends and then we'll ignore Jessica at lunch. And then everyone will ask us why we're not talking and pretty soon the whole school will be talking about us all and we'll be MORE popular than ever!

JESSICA: Hey y'all!!

Cliquee #1 and #2: "Hey Jessica. Love your shoes!!! OMG...your hair is so FABULOUS!

Cliquee #2: I love Jessica.

Cliquee #1: Yeah....she's the best.

Cliquee #2: Hey.....isn't that your boyfriend with Jessica?

Protocol my 'friends'.....what happened to go old fashioned gossip and classic unfriending?

Oh look.....I have a new Facebook friend! She lives in Idaho?? I don't know anyone in Idaho. Oh well - MORE FRIENDS, MORE FRIENDS, MORE FRIENDS!! We're the bestest EVER!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to poke her and then toss a virtual Brownie at her. I love friends. :-)

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