The Danger of Working from Home

I can be at work as early as I want, work as late as I want, work in my pjs and fuzzy slippers if I want, and watch Ellen if I want. I can play Solitaire if I want and not worry if a boss will catch me, I can blog if I want (what? who does that during work hours?) and I can take my lunch break on the deck by the pool...for two hours if I want.

But sadly, my choices for interactive conversation are limited.

Today, I said hello to The Grinch...and then pushed the little button so I could hear his response. He said...'you're a mean one'.

Bah-humbug Mr. Grinch.....so I went upstairs to talk to Santa Homer and get his opinion. I greeted him in his native language by saying "DOH HO HO". Then I pushed his little button. He said "this suit is itchy....now when am I getting paid?" I said "Look buster....you get one more chance or you and The Grinch will both spend Christmas in the fireplace...with your little plastic chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

I hesitantly pushed the button and what did I hear? "Deck the halls with Buddy Holly...fa la la la la.....singing Polly Wolly Doddle all the day". Seems like someone found their Christmas spirit!

Merry Christmas to all of you!

The Pressure is off - Christmas gift DONE!

When I was a newlywed I was full of ideas of what to give my husband for special occasions - or just random days. He'd even so much as whisper something he liked and VOILA - it would show up in a wrapped box. Or in his closet.....or in the yard (when I surpirsed him with a new shiny basketball goal).

But once I had completed his wardrobe makeover (which was more for ME and my reputation - ha) and stocked the workout room with every type of exercise equipment known to mankind....I was out of ideas.

Men are hard to shop for....has anyone else noticed that or is it just me? :-)

It didn't take us long to figure out that "stuff" was, well...just stuff and really - does he need a super-charged car vacuum or bendable flashlight? What we both love is just hanging out in fun places. Ok...some of our fun places may also include a tropical beach but we also love music and concerts.

We love old rock 'n roll. We love classical music. We love country (**correction**...I love country...he endured a Garth Brooks concert). So last night when we were watching an old concert on TV by a group we both loved he said "if they ever come to town, we'll go". Two minutes later, the Public Television lady comes on and announces as part of the television station fundraiser they were selling primo seats to their concert (before the tickets go on sale to the public) which will be coming to our city in the spring!! We looked at each other in total shock, picked up and phone and got two AWESOME seats to see one of our favorite bands.

Then I said "Christmas gift...DONE". And each of us could not be happier. Maybe he a little more than me because this means he won't have to go near a mall. :-)

Two Steps Forward...One step back

I started jogging again!! YEAY!!!

I discovered a new Ben & Jerry's ice cream.

Oh....
My....
Goodness!!!!

Might I remind you that this blog's mantra is "Life is uncertain....eat dessert first". That being said, the motto does imply that there is something following the indulgence. Eat dessert first (but then what?). Let me assure you that it is worth it....even knowing I'll need to tack on an extra mile later.

What am I thankful for just two days before Thanksgiving? Ben & Jerry's new Oatmeal Cookie Chunk....and the strength to run it off. :-)

If it ain't broke....

So...remember the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Ok..honestly, it wasn't one of my all time favorites - I remember it was entertaining but not a lot of the details. Except for one. I remember that the father thought Windex was a "cure all".

My dad opted for the WD-40.

Mine is duct tape. What a marvelous invention. And today, I'm proud to say that my vacuum cleaner is sucking like new. Oh don't let the sight of me driving around in my sassy little European sports car fool you. I'm wearing my fake diamond earrings, designer jeans that I bought from TJ Maxx and some drop dead gorgeous Jessica Simpson red patent leather heels that I bought on clearance for....hold on - $5.00!! The sole was coming apart just a tiny little bit (hey...they were $5.00) but thanks to the magic of duct tape - we're good to go!

The moral to this story? If it ain't broke....don't fix it...but if it is - DUCT IT!

There's an App for That

Isn't it ironic how many forms of communication are available...right at our fingertips? Need to learn a new language....say it with me now....'there's an app for that'. Need to know which species of poisonous frog is indigenous to the Amazon Rain Forrest so you can know for sure that the deep friend frog legs you just ordered from the new Cajun restaurant that you found via your new phone app are indeed....safe to eat? Yes...there's an app for that.

Thank goodness it's Friday. It's date night. My hubby and I will go out to our favorite Mexican Food restaurant and enjoy sitting together, munching on chips and salsa and drinking a margarita. We won't discuss how many calories are in the "Burrito Pablonito". We will, however, talk about how great life is. And we'll be talking to each other. No cell phones allowed on date night. No text messages, no instant messages, no urgent emails that need a reply ASAP.

And when we leave the restaurant we hold hands. Really. We'll drive towards home and, most likely, stop by and pick up some Ben & Jerry's because, well....it's Friday. We'll get home, change into our comfy-cozy (stretchy) veg-out clothes, eat our ice cream and feel way too full. We'll watch a movie and then make our way upstairs and call it a night. We'll crawl under the covers and snuggle up close. Need to remember why you married this guy in the first place? Yeah...there's an app for that. :-)

Earrings? No....Hat? Yes!

REALLY? How is it I can get in bed at night, lay my head on my pillow and only then realize that my earrings are still in my ear? Once that little stick that protrudes through the back of my ear stabs me in the neck I have to sit up, take them out, reach waaaaay over and put them on my night stand. Why can't I feel earrings in my ear? These are the deep mysteries of life that I ponder.

I have never - not once - gotten into bed and said...."DANG IT...I forgot to take my shoes off".

I have yet to step into the shower and say "SHOOT - I forgot to take my clothes off".

The exception, however, is getting into bed with my hat on. Apparently that's a good thing - according to Joe Cocker (all you old dudes sing along with me.....)

Your Can Leave Your Hat On
Baby take off your coat
Real slow
Take off your shoes
I'll take off your shoes
Baby take off your dress
Yes, yes, yes

You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on
You can leave your hat on

Excuse me??

I've been MIA - I know. Life got crazy (none of you can relate, I'm sure). Let me correct that....Life IS crazy - otherwise, you are dead. And crazy does NOT equal 'bad' - it just implies change, challenge, decision, fun, friends, family (and if you are the 'crazy' in your family - well...someone has to be so just go with it!).

I recently went to see the movie 'Couple's Retreat' (I love me some Vince Vaughn). One of the greatest lines was when he said to his wife "we don't have a problem....we have a million problems. That's called life". (Excuse me #1 - if I didn't quote that verbatim but you get the gist). His point was that these so called 'problems' are just a part of discovering how you live life together. Cool.

Excuse me #2 (but read that as EXCUSE ME??)- Part of crazy life lately has been the flooding in the city where I live. Our basement took a hit and we had to rip out carpet and are now in the process of repairing the damage (part of the craziness that has caused me to be MIA).

So this guy comes to measure our basement for new carpet and we begin the casual chit-chat about how much damage the floods have done to so many people's homes and business. Then *BAM* - out of no where this guy says "I think it's a call to repentance".

A million thoughts began swimming though my flood-drenched brain as I stood there in total shock at the arrogance and judgment of this stranger who suddenly took the form of a televangelist waving his holier-than-thou words of condemnation.

I literally looked him square it the eye and said "EXCUSE ME?". But for that kind of thinking..no exuse!

Which way does it go?

So...what do you and YOUR mom argue about? Acceptable boyfriends/husbands? How tight is "tight"? Whether or not it's ok to bury your neighbor's body in the back yard?

My mom and and have a running disagreement about which way the toilet paper goes on the roll. Does the paper hang over the roll or under? In case you're wondering whose side to choose - I opt for the lovely, flowing swag effect of over the roll. If you want to side with her, fine.....I'll be happy to give your her phone number but let me warn you....she took my advice and did NOT bury her neighbor's body in the back yard.....and no one has seen hide nor hair of him in 7 years. I'm just sayin'.

Butt (ha...toilet humor) if someone wants to get me this little baby for Christmas or Ground Hog's Day or National Pancake Day I will hang it any way you say!

I showed my SIC and she asked if it's called an I-POT? And as she turned to walk away she said "but if you need to stay in the bathroom long enough to need a docking station for your iPod...you need more fiber. I'm just sayin'.....

Am I on candid camera?

So now I just feel like I'm in an endless cycle of karma. Remember the lizard in my bathroom? Then the post with all the random answers and the accompanying picture of a HORNY TOAD?

Well - you are NOT going to believe this but TODAY I found an actual horny toad. I just arrived in Colorado yesterday and hubby and I went for a walk in the woods today and there it was. The cutest little horny toad ever! I got to show my Yankee husband (no offense meant - it's just that he's skeptical about a lot of stories of my youth)that you really can stroke them between their horns and they fall right asleep! I haven't seen a horny toad in MANY years (don't get nosy and all up in my biz about my age....it's irrelevant - except when I thought I could still wear leggings then apparently it became relevant).

The law of attraction is working overtime for me.

And I mean no disrespect but for those of you who have just recently started following this blog, I will share with you that I wrote a blog months ago asking for the media to Ban Billy Before Breakfast. Said "Billy" was Billy Mays - the famed info-mercial screamer! It was all in jest and simply a reference to how I really wasn't ready for him before my coffee kicked in. Two days after I wrote that...he was dead.

I'm beginning to freak myself out and yet....I'm curious to see what will manifest itself next. If I wake up tomorrow and I'm 5'10" with a killer hot body and long red hair....I'm going to start playing the lottery!!

I WISH!

Uma Thurman I am not. I'm all of 5'2" for starters and that includes the poofy hair.

No....my poison ivy isn't nearly as sexy.

I'm actually thankful that fall weather is approaching so I can wear long sleeves and not look out of place...or guilty - like I did when I was in the 9th grade and wore a turtle neck to bed one sultry Texas summer night in hopes that my dad wouldn't see the **Kiss** mark on my neck. Gross. Parents...they're not very bright...or rarely suspicious of totally incriminating behavior. Or maybe they were just wise enough to not say anything and let me suffer my shame in pools of sweat.

But yeah....I really got poison ivy on my arms. Gross.

And the answer is....

I have SO much in my brain that I want to share but I feel that today is just a day to clear up some questions. The fact is - I was raised in the South (not that the rest of the country doesn't have manner and etiquette) and I was taught that it was impolite to not acknowledge someone when they speak to you. So I said "Yes ma'am", "No ma'am" and "yes sir" quite naturally. (Side note...I found it a bit difficult to say "No Sir" as much as I probably should have but that's another story. You know how it's just so hard to say NO when they.....well, enough about that. *wink wink*. Besides, I think my mom reads this blog.) Besides, I'm just kidding - no, I'm not...yes, I am.

Anyway - Several comments have been in the form of questions. But I read this book called "Blogging with Moxie" and it said that if you actually ANSWER someone's comment then it just lets everyone know you are new to Blogging. And so....I have refrained. And I feel just downright RUDE. Or as my FAVORITE 'girl from the hood', Bon Qui Qui says... "RU"!

**STOP - if you have never seen BON QUI QUI - click on that link NOW. Trust me....it will make your day!!**

So - here ya go:
(1) Yes....it was actually a real live chameleon in my bathroom. SO CUTE! But I wasn't afraid at all because I grew up playing with Horny Toads (see picture)- yes...that's what they were called. I didn't understand until about the 8th grade why boys would laugh when I said "Look...I caught a horny toad". And you could stroke their head right between those little horns and they would fall asleep. A lot of irony going on there now that I'm older and wiser.

(2). I have misunderstood the words to songs many times. Or just the meaning of the words as is referenced in a recent post - HERE. (But if you have to choose between reading an old post or watching Bon Qui Qui...watch Bon Qui Qui) ~ And the reason people don't tell you you're completely messing up the words is that they are RU (and laughing at us behind our backs). :-)

(3) I have strayed from 200+ years of fundamental, exclusionary, arrogant thinking. And I admitted that I didn't have 'total knowledge and understanding' but what I did have was a love for all humanity. I was forced to choose - so I chose Love. Am I at peace with my decision, you ask?? YES MA'AM!!!

FFF - Karma is in my bathroom

So yesterday I wrote about Karma and now a chameleon shows up in my bathroom. Confused? Then you are too young to remember Boy George unless, of course, you watched "The Wedding Singer" in which case you got to see a guy who imitated Boy George...and that was probably all anyone really needs to know about Boy George. Except that he was famous for a song called Karma Chameleon.

Coincidence?? You tell me!

A Girl Gone Astray

I guess I didn't really go 'astray' because D{dot}C gives this definition of the word 'astray': away from that which is right; into error, confusion, or undesirable action or thought . I strayed off the path that I had walked for much of my life where I had be taught the exclusive RIGHT WAY existed. This happened when I began to think for myself and say "HEY....that doesn't sound right".

No.....strayed isn't really an accurate description either. More like 'shoved off the side of the cliff next to the path I had been walking". Yeah...more like that.

Did you ever read the children's book "The Emperor's New Clothes"? I suppose exposing the NAKED TRUTH is a sure fire way to get "DAS BOOT". Ouch!

I know this is kind of a deep subject for a Thursday when my mind is thinking thoughts like "YEAH....The Office and 30 Rock come on tonight" but I saw this brilliant bumper sticker and I thought YES....that's what I'm talkin' about!!

To quote one of my favorite Hippies - I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one. And I believe it could be someday it's going to come. ~ Cat Stevens

Go astray - you'll enjoy the journey a lot more!

What language do you speak?

I speak Movie - my native dialect is mainly "movie" but I picked up some TV slang along the way. Like "How You Doin'?"....I picked that up from Wendy Williams, whom I had never even heard of until I was watching "The Soup". I get my news from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and I get my Hollywood gossip fix from The Soup. Joel McHale from The Soup L-O-V-E-S to slam Wendy Williams relentlessly so I thought I would at least check out her show to see if she is, indeed, as bizarre as Joel makes her out to be. She is. And yet...I find myself slchlepping her suddenly famous phrase around all day.

"How you doin'?" I ask the my husband first thing in the morning. He looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. The words he gets....the body move and the accent? Not so much. He makes no comment but assumes I'm speaking "Movie". And I don't bother to explain.

I tell him I've made our airline reservations for our trip next week. I ask 'what extra items do we need to pack for this trip'? He says, in his Al Pacino voice "take the gun, leave the cannoli". We have a few seconds of akward starring at which I point I realize....he also speaks 'movie'. All men speak 'Godfather'.

It's kind of sexy. So I 'make him an offer he can't refuse'. And we both speak THAT language quite fluently!

FFF - FAINT!

So my husband says to me....."Oh shoot - the nosey neighbors are here and want us to participate in the neighborhood beautification day.....I think that crazy chick with the bowl cut hair has a chain saw with my name on it. Quick, pretend like you've fainted."

Hey - we have a bear-skin rug!! Someone's getting lucky tonight....and it's not the dude starring through the window! Seriously....I've got to learn to shut the curtains!

Life is Uncertain.......

I think it's time for me to, as Ricky Ricardo said.... 'splain myself Lucy!

I believe the past has no power over the present.
I believe that "what you think about....comes about".
I believe you create your own reality.
I begin each day with a positive thought and a moment of gratitude.
I believe the Beatles were right when they said "And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make".
I believe that giving truly is better than receiving (except for my birthday then I tend to forget that for about a week.)

So - for someone who is all about the 'power of positive thinking' and living in THIS PRESENT MOMENT....it might sound like the statement "Life is Uncertain" is kind of a downer, negative outlook.

To me it says "life each moment to the fullest". The only certainty any of us have is very moment we are living. So instead of living in the future...."when I've lost these 20 pounds then I'll allow myself to enjoy a tiny brownie"....."when I'm more established in my career then I'll have more free time to spend with my husband/wife/parents/children"....."when I'm rich then I'll be more giving"
Garth Brooks said it this way in the song "I Will Sail My Vessel"
Too many times we stand aside,
and let the water slip away.
And what we put off till tomorrow,
has now become today.
So don't you sit apon the shore line,
and say you're satisfied.
Choose the chance to rapids,
and dare to dance the tides.

So go ahead.....Eat a Brownie for your Breakfast!!

A Giveaway!

So...you may or may not know (or care - in which case, I forgive you and we're still BFF's) that I also blog on another fabulous site called "She Just Got Married". They are having a very interesting give-away contest.

Not everyone has the amazing In-Laws that I'm blessed with (**SHAMELESS KISSING UP** in case they ever discover this blog - which could happen because my MIL has suddenly become very techno-savvy - but I'm serious - they're wonderful....I mean, come on...have I ever lied to you before?). Shut up!

Anyway - for the REST of you who are married, engaged or considering 'sealing the deal' FOR-EV-AH and EV-AH - you might want this. So check it out HERE.

If you win you will, most likely, want to invite me over for dinner or name your first child after me but a simple 'thank you' will be just fine. So...in advance - You're welcome!

FFF - FAIL!

Someone lost her camera charger! Not just this week or even last month but more like 3 months ago. I have been leaching off my SIC since then being too cheap to spend the money and actually buy my own when it was so easy just to use hers! But she lives a thousand miles away and even though she knows I'm totally dependent on her at this point - suddenly she's all in my face with "buy your own stupid charger and leave me alone"!

Ok...that's a lie. She'd actually give me hers if I asked for it. I hate that about her....she's so nice - and it makes me look bad. Oh well....there has to be balance in any relationship! :-)

So, here's a picture of me and my hubby. I dress like this every day and when he comes home I let him kiss my hand. Actually, I'm naked but the necklace is fantastic! My hubby has to wear a tux to work because he's very important and most days at lunch, the guys at his office challenge each other to a little ballroom dancing. He has an unfair advantage though because his hair gives me more of an aerodynamic ability to glide across the floor. We lead an extraordinary life and most people are insanely jealous of us.

Why do I lie?? :-)

The Show Hadn't Even Started

You know the phrase "It's not over till the fat lady sings"?

Let's get this one thing straight before I go any further.....My mom is not fat! Quite the opposite. But she did sing - well, she lip-synched - much to our surprise!!

We were at a family wedding this past Saturday. It was a lovely garden wedding. The music was playing through the air as we were all seated in the courtyard listening to the words of 'Ava Maria' or some OPERA song - who cares what the exact song was....I want you to get the picture before I go any further - Got it? Ok...on with the story.

I looked back at the deck that was towering above us. Several people were gathered there - members of the wedding party who would soon make their way down to be seated among the guests. Suddenly, my mom, slightly leaning over the railing of the deck, tossed her arms up like Maria Callas and began pretending she was at the Metropolitan Opera House performing to a sell out crowd of beloved fans.

This definitely confirms why I am the way I am. So, yeah....I have an excuse. She was hysterical - and I wouldn't have her any other way!

Lil ol' me?

An award? For moi? Do I sound at all like Miss Piggy? Trust me...I do a great impersonation of her....and Sharon Osborne....and Jimmy Stewart - I'm off track again, aren't I?
I stand before you and proudly accept this award!! And THANK YOU Miss Newlywed Giggles (she makes me laugh .... not just 'LOL' but L-A-U-G-H~)

So - without further delay I pass this on to FIVE NEW FRIENDS!

(1) Constructive Attitude and her blog Symphonic-Discord - I have much to learn from her life perspective!

(2) JennyMac at Let's Have a Cocktail...love her tag line..."Thirsty for humor? Let's have a cocktail"

(3) The Wife of Riley - she's a Johnny Depp fan...Need I say More?

(4) Jeska00 at Ordered my Days Sunnyside Up
- Because anyone with that attitude is

(5) Connie K at Living My Glamorous Life - her blog is sassy and delicious an she loves the retro look (like..ME!)

I hope you check them ALL OUT!

The rules for accepting this award is as follows…

1. Nominate 5 other bloggers that you feel have become part of your circle of friends in the blogger world

2. Link back to the person who gave you the award in your blog post, to show your appreciation.
3. Comment on their blogs to let them know they’ve received the award.

FFF

You may be saying 'Big Whoop-de-do.....a Canna - everyone has seen a Canna." True dat.

But my husband decided he was going to become Mr. Green Thumb and take over the horticulture portion of our lives. To date he has planted, pruned, cultivated, watered, Miracle-growed (I'm well aware that's not a real word....work with me here) and finally, dug up and thrown away 7 rose bushes. "They don't want to bloom here - FINE (he said in his Tony Soprano voice)....then they're outta here. Capiche?" And he axed them and tossed them with no remorse. I took note of that - and I now make sure he has plenty of mixed nuts and other man food when it's Ohio State Game Day....and I never turn my back to him....and I sleep with one eye open but that's all beside the point, I guess.

Two years went by and I feared the death penalty sentence would be handed down any day. But then...in just the nick of time... a stay of execution was handed down from above!! At last - he was a gardner and this beautiful canna was proof!!

Hot = Healthy?

Don't get me wrong....I love me some yummy carbohydrates and trans fatty calories and if they're wrapped up in a delicious biscuit, brownie, or bodacious waffle sandwich then all the better. BUTT....I'm sorry...I mean - But, if you are attempting to use subliminal advertising to make me think that just because I'm eating a 'hot breakfast' that it equates to HEALTHY then someone slap me before I am brainwashed into believing it!

When the marketing geniuses resort to talking boxes of lonely cereal (you know....that COLD breakfast food - the ones that, at least, have vitamins and minerals added and, when added to milk supply some calcium and Vitamin D) to sway me to the dark side then that's why I say...."Can we get a reality check here people?"

What happened to 'Truth in Advertising'? Tell it like it is!! And guess what...We'll still buy!! And that, my friends, is why Paula Dean should be our next president!! And yes.....I want you to click on the link and see what I'm talking about!! She created this with a warning....."Eat ONE in a lifetime". But hey....she definitely tells it like it is!

Just Go with the Flo!

In my next life I'm going to be Flo, the Progressive Insurance Chick. Did you know her name was Flo? I know because she bought herself a 'tricked out' name badge with the money she saved on her auto insurance.

Sweet.

I want to be that kind of girl....she can wear blue converse tennis shoes AND fire engine red lipstick! The girl has style!

Her smile lights up a room and anyone who comes to see her goes away happy.

Maybe I won't wait until my next life. I'll start with the smile and work my way up to the blue shoes. Not sure I can pull that one off just yet but I do know how to smile!!

Funny looking people

I love to walk in crowded places and 'size people up'. **Correction - I USED to.** My best friend and I did this when we were walking through the mall. She and I played this game (which now reminds me that (a) I was pretty naive and (b) I had way too much free time on my hands). It was called "I can name that person's profession in less than 5 seconds just by looking at them".

"Ooohhh - school teacher!"

"Oh yeah....definitely a lawyer."

"Hooker....dressed like a suburban housewife. I'm not fooled."

If they were really pretty, well dressed women (especially if they were wearing a tennis outfit while walking through the mall) - they definitely got tagged as Hooker!

Don't pretend you haven't played this game!!

Some people just dress 'funny'....which reminds me of a joke - here goes:
"Why don't cannibals eat clowns?"
"Because they taste funny!" -
Why aren't you laughing? It's FUNNY!

So - here's a picture of me and some of my girlfriends making fun of the way other people dress. Yea....we were looking pretty good that day, don't you agree?

WHAT?? We look like.....WHAT??

That's SO not funny!! :-)

FFF

Impressive, yes?

Me...a rock climber. Ok - I'm faking it.

But this is the only place I fake it! :-O

Hey....does that rock make my butt look big?

A New Website

Where's my frickin' medal? If someone, who is NOT a 'morning' person (yes....I have the tee shirt), gets out of bed before sunrise without the threat of bodily harm and then willingly (but not enthusiastically, mind you) goes and climbs 1.4 MILES up a mountain then that person deserves an award!!!

I don't have "G"! Click on the "G" if you need an explanation!

So I sipped my coffee while my mountain lovin' hubby drove us over to the scene of the crime (aka Stone Mountain). Blurry eyed, I begin my trek. I decided to give my feet a break and walk on the dirt path up said mountain instead of on the hard rock. It's more nature-y walking through the trees. I'm actually in the 'zone', feeling all sportsy-like. The air is still cool because the sun isn't fully up yet. Then BAM - I run face first into a spider web. So much for my zone.

My 'oh so clever' hubby says "So, you found a new website?" I should have knocked him on his Gluteus Maximus....but I didn't have "G"!

Taking your Guy on a Shopping Trip

If I had tried to write something more entertaining myself I couldn't have....yes I could - stop taunting me!! I'll show YOU....later. But for now - read this and then think long and hard about taking your hubby or boyfriend or BROTHER (yeah...this is SO my brother) shopping with you!!

Missing in Action - Catch up FFF

Forgive me? I was on an airplane Friday - please don't leave me just because I stood you up this once.

We got home late Friday and came home to water disaster - as in flooded basement. But Stanley Steamer came to the rescue. Oh woe is me.....now wait, WHOA is me - as in STOP the WHINING AND EXCUSES and get on with an explanation of this fantastic picture!

My S.I.C. and I were making dinner and she actually let me use the big girl knife!! But I had already sampled the pan of brownies with extra chocolate chips sprinkled in so I think she assumed it was safe. Anyway - this is what I saw when I cut open the Red Pepper!! Isn't it awesome?? I took a picture just in case Rob Zombie wants to use it in a new horror movie. My phone hasn't rung yet but you never know.

Is it odd that I want to give it a name? Any suggestions??

This is why the internet exists

Have you ever been singing along with a great song on the radio - you even have most of the words right - but you really have no idea what it's really about? YES YOU HAVE!!

I've been singing "Viva la Vida" by Cold Play for months now just SURE that it was all about Elvis Presley - how he used to be "King" and "I used to roll the dice" (which sounded like a perfect tie in to Viva Las Vegas)...etc, etc. It made perfect since....well, most of it anyway....except the part that made NO SENSE.

Lyrics (dot com). AHA - "Roman Cavalry choirs are singing"....WHAT??

My old friend Google beckoned me... "ASK ME ANYTHING and I'LL TELL YOU THE ANSWER". So I said "OK - FINE....what does it MEAN??"

Turns out it has nothing to do with Elvis. I feel betrayed. *sigh*

He's Tall...I'm Short.....it just works!

I'm 5'2" and that's with my Texas hair - he's 6'5". We get "looks" when we walk through the mall...which is rare because hubby hates to shop!! But we are a sight and people ask strange questions - well, they never really come out and ask but they certainly imply that they are wondering. I just stop them and say...."we're the same height laying down". As Ron White says (the Blue Collar Comedy Tour guy - the irreverent one) "that'll shut 'er up"!

There are several advantages to being married to a tall guy....I don't have to keep a step stool in the kitchen, he can clean the ceiling fans without standing on a chair and we are pretty awesome at volleyball. Ok - he's awesome but I have a pretty good serve - alright fine....it's not all that great but WHATEVER! But - I discovered that his height is not always a blessing - at least not to ME because I had NO IDEA what was on the top of my refrigerator!! Do you know what's on top of yours? Let me tell you....if you haven't looked in over a year, well, I'll just say that if hubby and I are coming over to your house - I'll give you fair warning!

A friendly game of Cards

You can learn alot about people you thought you knew SO WELL by playing a game of cards. Now I'm not saying I was doing the cheating....or that my partner was giving me signals.....or that our opponents were acting like they were innocent themselves when, in fact, they were doing the subtle head nod...I'm just sayin' - it was an evening of revelation.

Then the pizza arrived. And life was good....for a while.

Then I made a HUGE miscalculation. It was at a most climactic point in the game...the tensions were high.....and I couldn't decide which card to discard. Then I made this announcement ... "give me a minute....I'm thinking". Let's just say that phrase was used against me several times over the next days because I made the mother of all bad choices in my discard selection.

And then I laughed and said "HEY...it's just a card game". Thank goodness there was not a plank for me to walk or I would not be here sharing this funny little story with you today. But there was still pizza so all turned out ok......this time. :-)

Restaurant HORROR Story!

WARNING!!! What you are about to read is TRUE! This is not a story for the weak of stomach or those who frequent eating establishments where the wait staff wears curlers in her hair.

My Sis in Crime's husband was eating lunch with a guy who wanted to go to a certain 'restaurant' (I say that quite loosely) which will remain unnamed because I may be blonde (pink is GONE) and I may be southern but I AIN'T STOOPID!!

My brother-in-law has exquisite tastes in dining and just the idea that he was even at this place amazes me. So...he orders chocolate milk (although I'm sure many of the regular clientele probably order beer for breakfast). The waitress brings his glass of chocolate milk and it's obvious some had run down the side of the glass. Whatever! He takes a drink and almost GAGS - it's obviously sour.

He calls the waitress over and politely says "I believe this milk has gone sour". She says........(YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS SO SIT DOWN!).....

"Yeah....I thought it smelled bad when I tasted it but I couldn't really tell since I have such a bad cold"!!

I just dare you to top that one!!

F F F

You know what that means!! And if you don't....well, make up your own title! See? We're already off to a FUN FRIDAY!

So, as if I needed an excuse to NOT cook, this little beauty showed up on our daily TV horoscope....and yea, I took a picture!

Funny how Mr. Hubby and I always check out the horoscope (right after we watch The Weather Channel and make fun of how they can be wrong on the forecast time after time and still keep their jobs). We only started this horoscope kick a few months ago when he accidentally pressed some button on the Dish TV remote and found it. And each time we laugh about how insane the stuff they come up with is but then when this one showed up.....I figured the stars had absolutely lined up perfectly just for me and that, indeed, this one was a keeper/believer!!

Such a Girl Thing!

So - where have I been all week? Getting ready to be away from home for 2 1/2 weeks. And now....I'm here - in my temporary home which is in Colorado and it's just beautiful. BUT...that's not the point.

The day we are to leave - I decide that my hair (*sigh*) need a little trim. I just didn't have any time to go to my FAB hairdresser because I was doing - well, all those last minute things. But let me back up and tell you why I needed to trim a little.

I bought this new product that is supposed to just smooth out your hair leaving it silky and sexy (well....in my mind that's what I envisioned). So I put some on and then I used my flat iron and suddenly MY HAIR WAS PINK!! I missed this lesson in chemistry class where "product X" + Heat = PINK!

I love Pink - both the color and the singer. I like the singer because she's just real - just who she is ...except for the pink hair which NO ONE is...naturally!

Scissors in hand, I start chopping. And now...I'm here in Colorado with my Sister-in-Crimes' hair dresser's number in hand getting ready to have to tell this story to her. Or....maybe I'll just keep the pink punk rock look. It is kind of cool! :-)

Peas ...Just Peas

First of all I want to just say THANK YOU so much for all the kind comments after my Dia de la Funk. Perhaps I should mark it on the calendar so I'll know it's coming next year. Darn sun spots.

So my husband and I were eating dinner and watching Andy Griffith. We're just wild & crazy like that. I made a Fabu-licious pork roast and some sweet green peas. I love peas. But there's art to eating peas with your fork and for some reason, I was more of a starving artist last night.

Even Jerry Seinfeld worked the 'perils of peas' into one of his shows. He broke up with a girl (in TV land) for eating peas with her fork one at a time.

Suddenly it just cracked me up. Peas are just a funny little vegetable and whoever first discovered them must have had a heck of a time trying to show friends and family how to eat them.

Any way.... I realized how insignificant peas are in the grand scheme and how this funny little green ball, rolling off my fork, made me think how equally small so many things are that we imagine to be huge problems. So instead of trying to pile the peas up on my fork - I took just a few at a time, ate them slowly and actually enjoyed my dinner more.

Today - I decided to let those nagging little 'issues' roll right off my brain just like the peas rolled of my fork. Wow - I'm not sure even Plato or Socrates had this kind of amazing wisdom. Sweet...like peas!

"E" is for Energy (or where can I get some?)

It's Monday and typically I'm READY TO GO!! I love my work and am usually bubbling over with ideas and energy because I've taken a day or so to relax - which is not entirely true because my body is like that little non-stop Tazmanian Devil cartoon from way back when. I'm one of those 'can't sit still' kinda girls and even when I turn my computer off and am lying on a float in the middle of the pool....my mind is still going 100 miles an hour.

But this weekend was.....funky. I promise that won't be next week's "F" word. :-)

Seems like there was just some kind of negative mojo floating around that sucked all the fun out of me. Friends were having 'issues' and I just decided to let all of that sort of pile up on my head and carry it ALL around for a while because I love these people and it hurts me to see them hurt. Then, I couldn't fall asleep because all of these things kept playing in my head like a broken record. Aye ya ya!

Maybe today would be a good day to try Red Bull!

No.... I'M funnier!

For my Friday Foto (gag...I still feel so guilty for doing that) I'm using a picture I borrowed from my good friend "google images". We have an understanding and it's ok with him if I use his pics as long as I give him credit. Duly noted...so let it be!

Do you and your husband ever have this argument? Really - we have debated who is funnier than whom (who? whom? or WHO CARES?). But that's about the extent of our arguments. So what if he's actually performed at a comedy club? I don't care - I'm still funnier!

We kind of figured out that arguments are such a waste of time and not nearly as much fun as laughing, talking, scheming and plotting different ways we plan to take over the world....you know, life's simple pleasures.

So next time you find yourself headed toward an argument - just stop, put your hands on your hips and with your best 'serious face' look right at your opponent and say...."OH YEA?? WELL....I'm FUNNIER THAN YOU!" Then smile and walk away.

Being 'right' is so overrated - and laughter really is the best medicine!

FAIL!!

I'm not much for focusing on the negative but I think this is of global importance. Girls - has this ever happened to you?

You eat a healthy dinner.

Then - 30 minutes later - BAM....the craving hits and your mind goes into frenzy mode. You purposefully did NOT buy junk food at the your last trip to the grocery store. Now you're in PANIC mode and there is NO CHOCOLATE to be found!

I couldn't wait for the time it would take to bake some D'lish brownies. I needed a fix and I needed it right away.

I go to my default emergency plan. JIFFY COOKIES. Some people call them 'no bake'. Whatever you call them - they are warm and yummy chocolate - especially if you eat them right out of the pan!

So, I decided to just make half of a recipe - because I have such self control (HA).
I don't know where I went wrong but they turned out DRY and hard. FAIL!!!

But - I managed to get my fix before they set up like little lumps of clay.

So...if you don't have this recipe handy, I'm sharing it with you now. You will thank me one day. And for goodness sake.....just make the WHOLE recipe. Then someone else will thank you!!

No-Bake Cookies

1. 2 cups sugar
2. 1 stick of butter
3. 1/2 cup milk
4. 1/3 cup cocoa powder (Not Dutch Process)
5. 1/2 cup creamy peanut butter (I’ve used crunchy, but if you go this route you should use a little more peanut butter overall, maybe 1/3 cup more).
6. 1 teaspoon vanilla
7. 2 1/2 cups quick cook oatmeal (NOT instant...but the one minute kind)

Place sugar, butter, milk and cocoa in large saucepan, and bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Boil for exactly one minute.

Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter and vanilla until peanut butter melts. Stir in oatmeal.

Drop by the spoonful onto waxed paper or a silicone baking mat, and allow to cool. Enjoy!!!!!

Oh yeah...I ROCK!

Who knew this little Blog of mine which happened quite synchronistically (really, what would I do without Dictionary.com) would suddenly be at the center of my daily thoughts? And now.....ladies and gentlemen (yeah...I gots myself a guy follower!) I have been given another award!! Please.....keep the applause to a minimum.

Thank you JenniLoo of Jonesin for the Jones'

This is just SO MUCH FUN! So here we go with the rules of this one:

First, as the recipient of this prestigious award I have to tell 10 true things about myself in my blog that no one else knows

Second, I have to pass along this prestigious award to 10 more bloggers.

Third, I have to notify those 10 bloggers who follow the same forum - I'll be leaving comments on each of your pages and when you post your ten things, be sure to post a link back to me!

My Ten Things:

1. I stuffed my bra on a first date.
2. I used to wear a ring that was made with the eye of a dead man. Really. A friend whose dad made dentures for a living made it. I didn't get to keep it but it sure made for fun conversation while I had it.
3. I am the CEO of a corporation (but this blog is where I get to just play).
4. I was the 6th grade Spelling Bee champion.
5. I parasailed UPSIDE DOWN one time because I wanted to see what everything looked like from that angle.
6. I have a crush on Johnny Depp - oh wait...I guess that's not a secret. :-)
7. I can imitate Sharon Osborne - and it's pretty funny!
8. I have never seen a James Bond Movie or Harry Potter...or Lord of the Rings.
9. I'm related to a famous NASCAR driver but I've never, ever watched a race!
10. My brownies are so good because I use a secret ingredient that is not from the United States. :-)

Now the People I have tagged:
AMS - Faith, Hope, Love
TeeTee - Through the Looking Glass

Southern Belle
Annie - Chapters of Our Life
Yours Truly (feel better!)
Frannie Fires Back
Puddles of Sunshine
JP - Simply Yet Perfectly Sweet
Let's Have a Cocktail
Cardigans and Kisses

WOW - that was SO hard to choose just 10! And this is why I haven't posted in a few days. SO....TAG Y'ALL!! Pass on the love. :-)

The Letter "D" is for Delicious!!

A. I do not love to cook. Shocked?

B. I love to bake? Confused?

C. I used to think they were basically the same thing. They are not. Cooking, in my definition equals work and necessity. While I might prefer to hang out with friends, lay by the pool, read blogs or books, paint a room and rearrange everything two or three times just to mess with the feng shui gods, at some point my body says "HEY....we need a little refueling here, if ya don't mind!" That's when it's time to cook.

But baking equals FUN (again...in my own personal dictionary). Baking is art - it's an opportunity to indulge the senses that go beyond the basic necessity for sustaining life and yet....it brings a form of balance to an otherwise, drab existence. It's the culinary Feng Shui.

And that is why, after I did a 5 mile mountain trek yesterday with my husband, we came home and ate a protein filled omelet brunch and had a mid day protein shake. But later that evening, I met one of my best girlfriends for dinner and completed the Yin to my Yang by splitting a piece of Chili's Chocolate Paradise pie with her.....and yes...it was simply Delicious!!

It Clearly Says "Omelet Pan"

Hubby and I love, love, love weekend brunch and would dearly love to experience it every other day of the week but there’s that little thing called ‘work’ that keeps cramping our lifestyle. Nonetheless – I'm talking about a slow, laid-back kind of day where we drink coffee till 10:00 a.m. and follow it up with, what he refers to as, a ‘country girl breakfast’. That means biscuits and cream gravy, strawberry jam and scrambled eggs with cheese and, just for that extra bit of tasty, caloric delight….bacon. AHHH – bacon. So we talk about how yummy that would be and reminisce about the days before we knew what ‘carbs’ were. Then we agree that, perhaps, we should stick to omelets – which we love and since I’m from Texas – I, naturally, top mine with pico de gallo. Now THAT is what I call good eatin’!


So – here’s the point…..we decided to go shopping for a bona-fide omelet pan. Sure, you can cook them in a traditional non-stick pan that you’d use for grilled cheese sandwiches or salmon fillet but what if we had a pan that was made specifically for cooking omelets? How distinguished we would feel and how magnificent those omelets would surely taste.

SO…off to “Kitchen Gadget Store” (I love the store but am not so sure the employees are the sharpest knives in the drawer – kitchen humor – ha!). Hubby and I walk the aisles in search of the HOLY GRAIL of omelet pans since we have committed to less carbs, more protein. Alas – there it was. I picked it up and it said in big, bold letters “Omelet Pan”. It was beautiful and shiny and EXPENSIVE which had to mean something wonderful. Hubby doesn’t love (aka - abhors) shopping so this meant our trip to said store had come to an end. We proceed to the checkout counter with treasure in hand. The young man, whose job was to scan item, collect money, and bid us a heart-felt “have a good day”, says “Yea…this is a ‘good pan’ but I hear EGGS STICK TO IT”.

I looked around to see if someone was filming for America's Funniest Videos. And.... I’m thinking about contacting Alanis Morissette to ask her to re-write her song….”Isn’t it Ironic”?

Favorite 'Foto' Friday

Ahhhhh - I can't believe I'm breaking my own rule with that title! I have always had a disdain for not spelling words correctly but I also like alliteration (dictionary.com definition - "The repetition of the beginning sounds of words, as in “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,” “long-lived,” “short shrift,” and “the fickle finger of fate.” - just in case you wanted an official reference or, if you are like me and didn't know that it's what it's called.)

My husband suggested that now that I'm a woman of word wisdom that I be sure and pronounce it correctly. "I like to alliterate" and not "I are illiterate" - in which case, I could not even give you a dictionary.com reference if I wanted to.

I'm dizzy...what was I trying to say?

Oh yeah...Pictures on Friday. See? That just doesn't sound as much fun. Anyway - here's one of my favs. It's a man holding a goat named Madonna. He entices people with his little goat to come listen to his stories of the history of the beautiful island of St. Thomas. I was one of them and it was amazing.

I hope you enjoy this new Friday Feature and now, I'm going to go eat a Krispy Kreme. I guess it's ok to break the rules sometimes, even my own!

Part Time Lover

Back in the day Stevie Wonder had a smash hit called 'Part Time Lover'. It was hot. He was hot. I'll stop there. One line says: "We are undercover passion on the run...Chasing love up against the sun..."

Seems like everyone has one these days....sneaking a little private time at work - hoping no one notices. Being so lost in being together that you can't even hear when someone calls your name. You try to go to sleep at night but it's so hard to let go....to say goodbye. You can't stop thinking about what you're missing....missing it so badly that your hands begin to twitch. Just one more touch.

A friend of mine, just this morning, told me she went to bed with hers with her husband lying right next to her. She's very addicted to her PTL and her husband acknowledges it and simply refers to this PTL as 'her mister'. She doesn't care - he has his own PTL. Sometimes they make it a foursome.

Really people....put the iphone away and go bed. Who knows....you might discover some new 'undercover passion' with that cute guy lying next to you!!

NO Bananas Before Breakfast

I love bananas (not as much as you know what but...DUH). I'm eating one now. However, I can't eat a banana first thing in the morning. I'm not sure what goes on biologically in my stomach but if I don't have something else in my stomach before eating a banana I will immediately double over in E-X-T-R-E-M-E pain! Wow that took a lot of time and effort to spell that out like that but I'm trying to make sure you know that it HURTS if I do.

So, a while back, my hubby and I are sitting at the kitchen table talking one morning and without thinking, I took a bite of a banana.

****IMPORTANT INFO PERTINENT TO STORY - Hubby didn't know this little tidbit of odd behavior at the time of the 'incident'.******

Back to the story.....

Suddenly, I bend over writhing in pain. I can hardly speak because it hurts SO BAD. I see a bag of Cheetos (don't judge me!) on the cabinet. I point to the bag and all I can say is "CHEETOS....GIVE ME A CHEETO". Seriously. This happened.

He grabs the bag and shoves it towards me with a look of sheer panic in his eyes! I scarf down a couple of Cheetos and the pain begins to subside. I sit up and he says, in a most confused tone, "what just happened?"

So now every time I'm in ANY type of pain he says "Need a Cheeto?" Yeah...he's such a funny man!!

Put them in the recycle bin - for crying outloud!

I am a born-again saver. And by that I mean....I inherited the 'thrifty' gene.

My dad was.....uh-hem....'frugal'. And yet....somehow I managed to think I had an amazing childhood. Sure, he would embarrass me when we'd go shopping and he'd walk up to the checkout counter and say "how much will you take for this?". As I stood there in horror, poking him in the side saying "DAD...the price is on the tag", he'd turn to me and say "yes, but that's not the price you have to pay....always ask."

As a teenager, I was mortified until I observed that many times the sales person would say "oh...we'll give you 10% off". Are you serious?? Then why didn't they just put up a sign that said "10% off"??? But I had some really cool stuff!

He also knew where all the best sales in town where. It's not that we were dirt poor - in fact, he was a genius when it came to investing leaving my mom in great financial shape when he passed away suddenly. He was just smart with money.

Now that I'm all grown up I am pretty proud to say that I LOVE A BARGAIN and am queen of the good deals (ask my husband how much I have SAVED him over the years!)

But there really should be a place where I draw the line on being frugal. Right? I mean really, how many empty Salsa Containers do I need to keep to store leftovers? Today, I'm going against my genetic nature and tossing a few in the recycle bin. After all, I'm sure it will be melted down and someday I'll end up buying another container of Salsa made out of recycled plastic. I think this is truly....the circle of life.

"C" ... Coffee + Creamer = Consciousness

This morning we celebrate the letter "C"

I think I'm a pretty nice person. I get along with almost everyone and just love life in general. But it takes a little time in the morning before "I" actually come to life and this generally 'nice person' wakes up. I am NOT what people refer to as a 'Morning Person'. I'm not mean - at least I don't think I am. The real problem is I can't form complete sentences before I have my coffee. Yes...I'm one of those, thanks to my grandmother who started letting me have 'coffee milk' at her house when I was about three years old. It was about 2/3 cup of milk and 1/3 cup coffee and lots of sugar!!

My incredibly thoughtful (and wise) hubby gets the coffee ready before we even go to bed at night so all I have to do is push a button and coffee begins brewing. OR...if we know for sure what time we're getting up he will even set the timer and I awaken to the wonderful aroma of freshly brewed coffee. I know he does this because he loves (or maybe it's purely out of self-defense but I'm going to say it's the love thing,)

Here's my issue - I like International Delight French Vanilla creamer in my coffee.

They recently redesigned the container I've used for years without my knowledge! Their reason? I quote..... "Designers refer to their work as a new, more European, sleek design". I am not European - at least not first thing in the morning.

So, if the people who make this wonderful product know it is for people who will be putting it in their coffee AND that a lot of their customer base consists of people who are NOT 'morning people' WHY OH WHY OH WHY would they change their container design WITHOUT attaching some kind of WARNING LABEL? A simple statement that says "Hey friends...before you pour that first cup in the morning please take notice that we have redesigned this bottle and you will now have to open it in the complete OPPOSITE direction than you have been doing for years." I am a nice person....I am a nice person....I must remember....I am a nice person....please put the knife down....I am really a nice person!

My video introduction to Why I Love Brownies

Ok - someone has a FlipCam....Look out!!

Somebody's watching me...

I wonder if Geico would like my opinion? NO? Too bad!

I LOVE THE GECKO....and those 'eyes' just annoy me. There, I said it. Now...MORE GECKO!! It's the accent - and when he offers biscuits and jam, I imagine the two of us sitting in a french bistro laughing like old friends.....is it odd that I find him a wee bit sexy? Yeah...it is. Forget I said that.

That's not the point - that's just an editorial comment. My point is.....I DO love Facebook. I've been reacquainted with people I haven't seen in years - I mean yeeeeeaaars - and now, we are 'FRIENDS'. Thank you, Facebook.

So, I post a status update or throw up a couple of pictures and BAM....my new old friends (and distant relatives that I could not identify if they walked up to me in the mall) are commenting like the gap between all those years never existed.

HELP!! What is Facebook protocol? Should I acknowledge those random comments? And why do I suddenly feel like ...somebody's watching me!

Monkey Business

Why is it called "monkey grass"?

And why do I work so hard to cultivate a beautiful green lawn only to be at the mercy of the drought or weeds that apparently think "weed and feed" means "feed the weeds"! I baby it...mow it with the blade on the proper setting....feed it those little power pellets that cost more than my anniversary dinner - and for what?

But monkey grass??? Pay it no attention and it thrives. And now, because I've left it to itself for a couple of months - it has gone wild and taken over my patio....like a bunch of wild monkeys! Only not as cute.

So - I'm off to give my little monkeys a hair cut!! I guess it's just the week for hair cuts!

I Long for Long Hair

Is it just me or does anyone else go through the same torture ritual of trying to grow your hair out into some L-O-N-G fab flowing frock only to realize half way into the process that you are just not meant to have it?

I am from Texas and yes....I have big hair! In Texas, it's really awesome. Shoot, girls are chosen for cheerleader based on how big their hair is (or on how big something is....I forget exactly).

I am not Jessica Simpson and even though I own, and actually wear, cowboy boots - no one has ever confused me for her....nor Carrie Underwood nor any other big haired bleach-blond. I'm not implying that Jessica or Carrie aren't natural blonds...or Marilyn Monroe or that Pink's hair wasn't actually Pink...I'm just sayin'......

So I am, once again, throwing in the towel and getting my hair cut today. I suppose there could be worse fates in life than not being able to have 'Hollywood Hair'...like maybe I actually DID have the FAB hair and thought I could act in a movie.....I'm just sayin'.... JK (Love ya Jess!)